Valentines Day.

February 14th. Luckily, I have my birthday on this day. It's usually enough to distract me from this horrid hallmark holiday. I'm not sure if the cause of my despise for this holiday emanates from the stew of bitterness inside me towards love in general. I'm not sure where it comes from. Nevertheless, I fail to understand the true purpose of the holiday. Love (if it genuinely, unconditionally exists...) should be expressed toward a partner every day of the year, not emphasized on a single day. I don't know. Those are the thoughts in my head right now.

Well, hello there.

Learned something interesting today. I love my social psych class. We learned about balance and how important it is in life. For real. I was so excited because it just, sort of, made almost everything make sense. I've been struggling with some friendships that I feel are deteriorating. It's sad. However, realizing why this happens makes it easier to deal with.

Balance.

Whenever we experience cognitive dissonance (when how we act and what we feel discomfort us), we take whatever means necessary to make that discomfort go away. Here's an example:

You like John Mayer. John Mayer likes to play guitar. Therefore, you should like to play guitar. If, for some reason, you decide you despise the guitar, you will subconsciously (or consciously, for that matter) find a reason to dislike John Mayer. Make sense? This is a very, very simplified example, but an example, nonetheless. We are selfish human beings. When applied to my current situation, I realize that I have to cut certain things out of my life in order to be happier.

Is balance something human beings are always striving for? Or are we simply looking out for our own best interest as selfish beings? Food for thought.

In a situation.

So, I haven't blogged for a while because I believe it to be quite narcissistic. There are other reasons, as well. Quite honestly, I am a very non-controversial person, and I believe posting my personal feelings on the internet goes against the very core of my being. I will continue.

I find my current situation difficult. I feel that I have changed, and that my friends have as well. People are constantly changing, but not always for the better. I cannot, in good conscience, say that it is me who has changed for the better; "better" is subjective. However, my friend and I have changed heading towards opposite directions. I have been spending countless hours in an attempt to analyze why certain things bother me, but only from certain people. It is very unfair, I am aware. I have yet to come to a logical conclusion. I think I need to learn how to simply just "be". I've become very unhappy with many of my personality traits. Alas, they are what make me unique.

On a different note, I laugh at myself because my life is full irrational desires... wanting something that is unrealistic to pursue. I believe if you work hard enough (notice the word is "work" and not "wish") that (almost) anything is possible, but where is the line drawn? When is "work hard enough" not enough? I saw a show on TV today. The main character auditioned for something and got a call back. It seems like she always gets everything she wants. Her friend auditioned for something, but didn't get it. He felt it necessary to leave the friendship, because he couldn't handle watching his friend being successful time after time, while his life proved to be a constant failure. I feel I am in a similar situation. Sometimes it seems I work so hard and want something so bad, but it seems I can't even get close to accomplishing my dreams.

Well, these are my struggles and the inner workings of my mind.