I find my current situation difficult. I feel that I have changed, and that my friends have as well. People are constantly changing, but not always for the better. I cannot, in good conscience, say that it is me who has changed for the better; "better" is subjective. However, my friend and I have changed heading towards opposite directions. I have been spending countless hours in an attempt to analyze why certain things bother me, but only from certain people. It is very unfair, I am aware. I have yet to come to a logical conclusion. I think I need to learn how to simply just "be". I've become very unhappy with many of my personality traits. Alas, they are what make me unique.
On a different note, I laugh at myself because my life is full irrational desires... wanting something that is unrealistic to pursue. I believe if you work hard enough (notice the word is "work" and not "wish") that (almost) anything is possible, but where is the line drawn? When is "work hard enough" not enough? I saw a show on TV today. The main character auditioned for something and got a call back. It seems like she always gets everything she wants. Her friend auditioned for something, but didn't get it. He felt it necessary to leave the friendship, because he couldn't handle watching his friend being successful time after time, while his life proved to be a constant failure. I feel I am in a similar situation. Sometimes it seems I work so hard and want something so bad, but it seems I can't even get close to accomplishing my dreams.
Well, these are my struggles and the inner workings of my mind.
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